Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
