He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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