I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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