why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
