I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
