It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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