If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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