Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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