Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
