I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
