my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
