I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
