The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
