thus making me awesome and them whores
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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