its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
