I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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