so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
