the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
