I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
