I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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