Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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