32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
