everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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