i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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