my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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