I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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