apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
