She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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