My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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