theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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