I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
