I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
