just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
