Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
