Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
