Ambien. No doubt about it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
