i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
