Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
