So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
