How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
