I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
