mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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