dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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