garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can I color on your dick again?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
