You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
