She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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