final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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