I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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