the new term for farting is butt boxing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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