I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
