I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
