i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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