Just fell off a train. Bad.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
