I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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