I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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