i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
