New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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