party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am naked and annoyed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
