I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
