wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
