Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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