she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
