You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
