Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
