The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
