My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
